you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
