She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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