I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
