she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
