I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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