My pussy is not your playground.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
