I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
