I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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