why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
should my penis look like a turkey
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
