i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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