real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
