he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
