What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
