just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
