I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
last night I used snow as a chaser
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
