good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
