I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize