Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
