She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
