Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
