I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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