just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
