WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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