She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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