I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
