My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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