So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
