You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
