ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So many bounce houses so little time
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
