Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
