i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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