totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my poor anus
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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