On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
