Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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