More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
