As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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