he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
