well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
