so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
