Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
