Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
