I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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