found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
