it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
