I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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