it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish there were birth control emojis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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