I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He passed out mid-signature
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
