good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
