i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
