It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
